A Breathing Miracle
The plane whipped back parallel to the lifeboat.
Three men cheered as rescue filled their minds.
The plane neared.
Their eyes fell upon the red circle glittering in the afternoon sun.
It was crudely painted on the side of the bomber.
It burned like a hot iron through the men.
The machine gun started up as Louie dove for cover under water.
Shots pierced the light above.
The bullets came in like icicles then fizzled down.
He watched,
and waited.
Praying his friends didn’t get shot
He looked down and saw
“the huge, gaping mouth of a shark, emerging out of darkness and rushing straight at his legs.”
Louie punched the shark’s nose.
It flinched backwards into the depths of the dark water.
Suddenly it flicked its tail and came back for more.
Louie punched it again with more confidence.
He climbed up the boat and shook his friends.
The plane came back five more times.
Dive
Punch
Punch
Shake friends
Repeat.
They all lived.
I like how dramatic and intense it is, and I like the "dive shake shake repeat lines"
ReplyDeleteThe repetition in your poem really helps make it more intense and dramatic.
ReplyDeleteYour word choice and repetition showed how intense the situation was.
ReplyDeleteI liked the analogies and word choices in your poem.
ReplyDeleteI like how intense the poem is.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is good, even without understanding of the background it is from, it is still a very good poem.
ReplyDelete